rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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