I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
sex in a hospital.. check
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
