The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
