I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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