Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
