At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
