KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
