Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
