That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
