I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
