they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
