I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
