hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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