I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
