I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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