just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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