he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
