Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
