If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
MIDGETS
????
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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