I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
