i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I need water and some morals
Randomize
