my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
