We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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