The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
