i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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