When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
