I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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