her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
