i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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