i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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