trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Alive.
So much puke
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
