just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
