I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
