What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
