Can Purell be used as lube?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Did I show you my penis last night?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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