i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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