1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
