that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
