so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
