Just cropdusted the office
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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