just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sext me about skeletons
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
