ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
