I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Randomize
