Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's just like the Real World with babies
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
