can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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