i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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