Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
there is puke in my bra ... again
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