we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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