Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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