I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
