final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
