Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
